Closer than Ever?



It is a busy day, just as all the weekdays are. The running tap indicates that its been a while Sia has left the bed. The room is a mess, her work clothes lying in a pile, laundry undone, utensils drying away in the sink. Sia taps impatiently on the basin with her left hand, in rapid tap dancing motions, while with right hand she brushes her teeth. She scans her face, neck and turns to side to give her waistline a quick look. As she spits out the paste and opens the tap to wash her mouth, there is a mental calculation of how her day will look like. Its work as usual, then she has to meet a guy on a date. Online date prospect will be the precise answer. She decides to invest more time than usual in shower today as you can never be sure and you always hope the date goes well. She shaves, showers, uses the special body wash, shampoos. As she dries herself, she is selecting the right shade of lipstick, not too loud, she does not want to give out all the wrong signals. A mascara, kohl and BB cream, with a face wash pouch and she is good to go. 

"Purchase the night after." she mumbles to herself as she scans her room, she rolls her eyes and sighs to reach out to her toothbrush. "Done and extra panty; check!" She moves out of the home calls an Uber and sets out for her busy day at work. She checks the messages across social media. You ignore most of them and reply to the ones you want. She makes a quick call to her colleague, checks the weather at office. By evening Sia will be smiling the perfect smile, talking in that perfect tone and doing every thing right to make the date perfect. No, she is not looking for a relationship. She, has loved and lost. It pains, and she is still not over him. She stalks him on social media, At times she fantasizes about him, while she is with someone else. It's decided she will walk the aisle when her parents find a perfect match for her. She, on her part is done trying. 

Love, has become complicated. Or may be it always was this complicated, its just that now, we acknowledge certain things that were kept well hidden in us. We, as a society have lost innocence. Love and lust have parted ways. 

There are people like Sia, who weigh Love and Lust in separate scales. She has made peace with the reality that love most of the times is lost. She understands and addresses her physical needs, her mental need of being close to somebody, physically close. Love does not happen as often as lust happens for her. She knows that love does not depend solely on physical intimacy. She can enjoy intimacy outside the bonds of love. But what happens when love comes calling? Off course, there will be the pleasures of flesh that spark the relationship in the initial days. So, let's fast forward the scene to a Sia, who is married for quite some time now. The sparks have settled down, there is no head swooning passion. She is used to this life, the man, this house. She misses that passion, that surge, those first dates, but she will not trade this life for the other. 

Her life is now in tune with her best friend Meera. The one man woman, the one who waited for the right man. She fell in love and married the love of her life. She loves how beautiful her little nest looks. She loves it when her husband wakes her up with a peck on lips. 5 years into the marriage and at times, it is the only physical contact they have for weeks. But, Meera, just like Sia is not complaining. Meera, enjoys the smiles and occasional glances. She likes it when he compliments her. She waits for the time when her husband and she, retire for the night. They read, binge watch and at times talk a lot. Even in silence, she knows that this is where she should be.

She talks to Sia often and they laugh at these trifles of their lives. They both at times miss the passion of the earlier days, but with time passion has overtaken the companionship. They do not crave. They know that happiness is temporal and its definition changes with time. Peace and family life demand certain compromises and adjustment. At this juncture, they can afford the prize. Sia, at times misses her old ways. She wonders and at times frets a little about her half fulfilled needs. She gets anxious, there are nights when she tosses and turns, but is too afraid to ask. A man at times needs space, he is nervous, there is an occasional dip in performance. He knows well about her appetite and at times shows the guilt at not being adequate. Sia, understands and keeps her horses on hold as she is afraid that it may spiral him down. She is being patient, she loves this man and this is just a small price to pay for the love and peace of her family.

Meera, never tells Sia about the nights she is afraid. A similar fear grips her mind. While she sips the first tea of the morning she wonders, was it worth it to preserve it all for a man? It was so good while it lasted, but then that time was so insignificant when compared to the wait and then again the wait after it. But, like Sia, Meera is happy, where she is now. She is giving her man the space. She is in no rush, also in hind sight she never expressed her sexuality, so, she does not know how to ask unlike Sia, who before she found love in her husband was  not bashful in asking for what she desired. She sips the last mouthful of the tea and smiles at her man who is holding the breakfast plate for her. He makes it, so, that she gets those precious ten minutes of "she" time. With her smile, there is a guilt. A guilt, that might have crossed every woman at least once in her life. 

Love is always more than enough, companionship is for eternity, yet in this eternal peace lies an incompleteness. We shrug it most of the times, at times it conquers us and at times it just stays with us, but we do not mind.

( Written in response to Indispire Topic 236  by Anushree Aggarwal. The Topic was " 

Is physical intimacy the only thing which matters in a relationship? Can you live without it and yet be happy?")

P.S.: This is just a woman's perspective, and not the perspective of every woman. I would like to know men's perspective




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