The Fallen Leaf
I saw it in your eyes. When you closed them, they spoke to me a thousand times before surrendering to the darkness. There was absolution in your eyes. I saw them many a times staring at the leaves of the tree. As if your freedom lies with the every moment a leaf turns yellow and falls into the hush of silent death.
You were there all the time with me, yet somehow oblivious of the surrounding. Where have you left the soul of yours that I loved? Where is it? We have searched it together for years. I, now feel it all to be an exercise in futility. Your eyes are the only thing that tells me, assures me that there is still hope. It's gone but not finished yet.
It is past dusk and twilight is knocking at my windows. i open it an let the half darkness creep in the rooms. I see your misty form shrouded in the diminishing light. It has been three nights I have not slept for three nights. All the while I was watching you, making out your form in the darkness. All the while you were sleeping peacefully, cloaking my form into yours. If I had the power I would have dived into your flesh to search for the soul, but you see I am powerless.
I am searching it, your soul. I am searching it with or without you. It is past twilight now, the artificial lights shine bright. You are silent, happy, sipping tea. Now you are chatting, complimenting my tea. all the while I am watching you. At first I thought you are a parasite, feeding on my life. I thought I will survive it, as we all survive little bites and nicks from the pests. I was happy paying this tiny price to live with you. You are a deceiver, you tricked me. You are a predator, though my eyes look like they are assessing the prey, it is you who is stalking me, feeding on my life, devouring it whole.
We cannot be alive together, we both are predators. I do not want to be the prey, I do not want to die. Your sadistic charms make me stay. yes, I am addicted to this pain. Confessions: I am a masochist, I craved for this pain, but I am a life. It is my tendency to save myself.
Why do not you die? As I lie down fourth night in a row, the solution comes to my mind. Your death solves it all. I will get life and freedom. I will get it all. I wake you up and request you to die. You look at me and say,"Not yet." I move off calmly and you stay there, unmoved. I see my life, my happiness. I look back one last time at you. I open the door, go to the terrace. I bend too much and I close my eyes, and take a final breath.
You take me in your arms and cry, request me not to leave. I resist but I am powerless. You bring me back. You hug me close, you whisper in my ears, "Baby, I do not let my prey die this easy."