Why Change my identity?

"So, what is your name now?" asks my acquaintance from my college times.
"You saw it on facebook, right? it is Datta Ghosh." I say it over chat
"Lucky you got in a boy in your caste, same surname." she said (mind it she is also a woman)



" I am lucky because I married the man I love and his name is Samit Das." I say by this time a little irritation climbing in.
"Why did not you change your surname after marriage, you should?" she said
"Why should I? I said
"Because he is your husband."
" He loved me when I was 'Datta Ghosh' I love him as 'Samit Das' how does it matter. He keeps his hard earned identity, I keep mine."
"There is an issue, you are not happy right....may be you have an affair or love someone."
"Lady, listen I am happily married and changing surname do not define love for someone."
"But you are married to him...?"
"So is he. Let us do something I become Datta Ghosh Das and he becomes Samit Das Ghosh. We both are in love so this works perfectly."
"This is blasphemy, he is a man."
"No, We both are humans and humans have a right to keep their identity."

This is a small peek into something I face every day when I have to explain that why am I going with my maiden name.

Some say what is in the name?

I say then why change it buddy?

I am in a continuous fight, I am labeled a feminist by well wishers and some of them whisper, characterless, slut who does not fulfill the duties of a woman. However, my husband never had an issue, my mother never had an issue. My in-laws have never asked me my name and have christened me on their own and I am too tired fighting people whom I see as my family. Even as Datta Ghosh I consider a family whose last name is Das as my family.

As a young teen every time i fell in love, I replaced my surname. After some kicks in the abdomen (mental kicks) I just thought, let me be me. Most (actually all of my friends) have taken their husband's name with ease and with all due respect to them I am not ready to change my surname.

The conception is still bold and a taboo in our society. Even my resume does not have my husband's name (in the same way my husband's resume does not feature my name).

The truth is women are called names for not changing their names.

My changing name or not does not change me, let me not change it. I feel I belong to my family. I retain my identity, the same name that was written in school and college documents. I love you my husband but I love myself and isn't it great loving someone who loves her in every way?


Written as a response to indispire do visit for some great posts
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