|The Road that Leads Here....|
"When in doubt, close your eyes and search your soul for answers." Mohini told me looking playfully at me. Her Kohl rimmed eyes were teething with mischievous seduction. Her lips, stalked highly with the red coloured lipstick. It almost seemed she was thriving on my blood and was engulfing my soul.
"You are a whore and not the Mohini of the heaven. So, stop giving sermons." I said smiling at her in a matter of fact way.
"Who knows, I might be one of the Avatars of the Vishnu." said Mohini gleefully. She was oblivious to what I said, after all that is what she was, a whore, my whore. I paid money every night on this nocturnal visits of mine to be with her. To have her in soul and more so to have her in flesh. No, I am not a messiah to have a platonic relation with her. No, it was not some fairy tale. I was not a prince charming who would take her out of the dungeon. No one leaves this hell hole after one enters here. If we try we will be massacred, I will be massacred. I do not love her so much that I can lay down my life for her. I love her so much so that I can be happy with her. My love suits my needs and pleasures. No, I am not a Machiavellian advocate. I am a spiritual rationalist
Mohini is my inspiration and my part of soul. We are so different yet so connected, it is like we are twin souls. We will never be soul mates. But we mirror each other. She knows that. She knows that through her bruised smile and when her gashed and devastated body meets mine. After all it is the night I have bought and not the day. She is devoured by the demons and the only thing that gives her solace is my presence in the night. Meanwhile the entire day I am at peace and when I see her my peace breaks internally and my demon rises. I call her the "Hell Raiser." I am her peace, she is my pandemonium.
I die a bit when I am with her but then I am bound to go to her because it is her scarred existance that completes me somewhere. Somewhere I feel "Holier Than Thou" deep within me. Every time I touch her, I feel her. I feel a catharsis seeping in my soul. As if I have got thousand voices and I am shouting out loud with my face skywards. I am shouting and addressing the One Spirit to again make me complete. I shout out as a plea to the heavens to save my soul or what is left of it. With Mohini I am purified. I am freed but then again when the frenzy dies when I return to senses. I see my doom in her eyes and then I run away and never turn back. I run away from the only point where my soul truly belongs to me. I am a rationalist now and I run away from the person, from the bodily frame with whom I know my being,my consciousness in this life will suffer. I know being with her I will turn my back to the world, to this beautiful world I have created for myself.
I wake up at dawn and leave, leaving her more scarred, more at peace, while she lies content while her moment in hell draws closer everyday......A Spiritual Rationalist I am
Thanks Ravish Mani for raising the point of the possibility of "Spiritual Rationalist"