In Delirium...The fire within
When there is fire in you, you are restless. You just cannot wait and are anxious. This fire is in your belly, reaching to your heart and burning you and burning your sky in a fiery entanglement. Your life is all scorched and you cannot rest. You find yourself creating on one hand and destroying every possible thing on the other. This happens before you start a new journey. It is rudimentary that when you are engaged in a simultaneous journey one after another then to start one new journey you have to end another. But then how to end it? With every passing day in your current journey you change, you evolve. You die a bit, your old self dies and you are reborn a bit with every passing second and then one day you change so much that the very motivation for starting the journey seems meaningless to you. What you do then? You yearn for this journey to be over but cannot let it go. It is human nature to stick to the routine. Funny the way our mind is dynamic our soul may be a bit passive to change. Otherwise why cannot we let go? Even when the going gets tough we try our best to stick to our previous plans. We are seeing clearly that this plan of action is nothing but a hollow assurance of the past but still we stick to it; thinking all the while that the fire in us will die someday and we will soothe our souls by applying the ashes of our unborn dreams who died in the womb.
There are days I do not smile. I smile but not inwardly. I just smile as a pretense to keep my near and dear ones happy and nothing else. The fire within you when restricted, just scorches you till you die your little death inwardly. This death is the result of the cowardice that you show by not letting out the fire in you. As Katy Perry once sang "Baby you are a Fire Work!". So when is my Fire work going to be on display? I do not know. May be I am not that rebellious I thought initially I was. May be in this race to survive my fire has lost its spirit or simply I am getting old. I do not know but somewhere I am tired of living this half life (no, I am bad at the video game by the same name). I am tired of being half thirsty, half satisfied, moulding and adjusting to the situations to the life.
My life has always come in the way of passion but then think about this,
If life comes in the way of my passion then it is surely not my life I am living.
So, is it 27 years wasted in living a borrowed life or 27 years in getting enlightened finally?