"My misplaced euphoria and that afternoon siesta and many more things that my growing up was made of. I never actually grew up, I remained the same, I just grew more knowledgeable. As the years passed I slowly opened every facet in me. Opening every door, every nooks and corners in the search of goodness but I never found one. The more I opened, the more dark it become. My search started when I first saw my demon, the anger face to face. I was shocked because all I knew of me was good till that moment. I am a doer and I do not give up till I have done it, searched it and tried it all. So, in the search of goodness began my journey of discovering the darkness in me. Growing up was replaced by exploring my inner self.
I remained the same through out, I never changed. I just grew more knowledgeable. I just now know more of me than I used yo know before. Knowing is not a crime is it? Then why am I hanged? Pronounced dead before I die." Mira said pleading in front of her jury.
"What you say exploration is actually giving up to the vices. What you say knowledge is actually a spell of doom. You are not exploring but falling a prey to your temptations. Where you find solace is actually your funeral pyre. Look at the fire burning up the skies and is engulfing your soul in to the pandemonium. Whom are you deluding? Your innate tendency to love darkness is not harming anyone but you..
You didn't explore yourself, you did not gain knowledge of yourself, No, Madam you did not but you simply got drawn and wasted in the hands of those dark merchants of doom. You never bothered to open the doors that lead to the goodness in you. God created you and he filled in goodness in you. You did not open any doors as you claimed but you seal shut and locked all the doors of goodness in you." said the jury sitting right opposite to Mira with gaze, so, piercing that it could even make the blood in a dead body curl up with fear. Mira trembled a little, true she was feeding her soul with darkness but still she had a soul which felt.
"If God had created me then why did not he make me chose the so called goodness over the thing that you all call, darkness? Why has your God, the epitome of goodness shunned me. He has forsaken me and told me to find my own way and find my own peace and this is where I have found myself, I have found my own way. I am at peace now and I am peaceful at being what I am. Now why your God has to meddle with my happiness." said Mira gathering all the courage she had. Now that she had finished she thought there is more courage left to her than she originally thought. Another exploration, she was more courageous than the set threshold for her.
"Do not Blaspheme! You are harming yourself the most by choosing this road to doom. Your murderous and treacherous ways are murdering you and no one else. They are committing an act of treason on you and no one else." said the Jury as if the jury was now gathering the strength from Mira. It seemed as if Mira and the Jury were twin souls; deriving strength and weakness from each other.
"If I am being murderous to self and I am committing treachery to no one but my self then where does the problem lie. I am not harming anyone. I am at peace with me. You see by being extremely righteous, it is believed that people get peace. But here I am being extremely unrighteous, standing at the opposite flank and look I am at peace with myself. These are the two extremeties and at the both end you will find peace. it is the ultimate equilibrium. When you are extremly righteous you harm no one because you do not care for the world but you care for yourself and your purity and thus the detachment gives you peace. When you are extremely unrighteous you are again not concerned about the world and you are there all by yourself soaked in trechery meant for yourself and not others." Said Mira Softly but her voice echoed the hall.
"Enough! Now not a single word! I pronounce you guilty of your own murder and..."
"No! you will never pronounce me guilty and you have no right to pronounce me guilty. I, Mira hereby declare that I am guilty of murdering me and my goodness for just being at peace. I will not ask for your pardon because I will not accept any leniency. Your leniency, Madam shall break my peace and equilibrium. It will ask me to be somewhere in the middle of being Righteous and unrighteous. It is unacceptable, pardon is unacceptable in my case and I abhor and eschew pardon as I do not want this pardon to let me take my peace away. So I pronounce a sentence of Death upon me. May I be doomed in peace forever with no hope of return. The sentence is passed and the judgement is passed with no scope of return."
Mira turned back her face from her Jury and the Jury to vanished from the mirror. as Mira switched off the light and looked into the Mirror, her only Jury. she could see her as dark as she was. Darkness is indeed a great leveler.
(Being a Kafka fan and being into delirious righting you might find some similarities....My Tribute to Kafka)