India and Matters of the Heart

Marriage and Love or Love and Marriage is a tricky affair all over the world. Matters of heart and human emotions are always tricky. Why they are tricky?

  • Human beings are complex creatures. No two people are alike. What works for one don't work for another. There is no formula for love.
  • Even people get attracted to each other it might not be love.
  • Even they are in love there might be compatibility issues.
The more individualistic the society is the more importance is given to Individual choices. Individualistic societies focus  more on individuals and there needs. You are not implicated unless you are not committing any crime. Their so called morals are negotiable. People won't slit the throat of a fellow person just because he is not up to the benchmark of morality he has set. People understand and respect the fact that to each person lies his/her choices and morality.

Shifting Focus to India: We are an ancient river side civilization, sharing a common river and a limited space with a humungous population. If you look at us we are one of the oldest surviving civilization. Be it The Hindus (I prefer Sanatani), The Muslims, The Christians, The Budhists, The Sikhs all are our people. There fore father have lived and died in this land. They might have had other religion that time but you can change religion , you can't alter genes. We as an Old Civilization have seen death, devastation, famine, flood but we survived. We had our civilization tagging along with us. What made our civilization survive? Living in clan, following rules led down through ages, sacrificing personal interests for the society. These things are stored in our Social Memory. We had so much to fight outwards that we neglected inwards. Its worth noting that this land of great Scholars never had a prominent Psychologist. Marriage for us is not an individual affair and choice. It is a social thing. It is empowering our clan by associating with the other people of our clan. Its about being homogeneous. Love and Individualism gets thrown away in the battle of survival. The theory of marriage here is simple:
  • Human Beings are Complex??? No, its a myth. Who cares if two people are different. Their caste and religion is the same. Marry them off before time passes.
  • What Attraction? What Love? No time for it. Their caste and religion is the same. Marry them off before time passes. They have to fall in love and if not who cares a child with in one year they are sealed for life.
  • Compatibility?? Their caste and religion is the same. Marry them off before time passes. They will have sex and everything will be all right.
 Everything went right till the ages but until now. We have passed the survival stage and are moving on. we are opening our eyes to the other aspects of life, like individual choices. The boundaries are falling apart. We are interacting irrespective of what our Religion or Caste is. We are transforming and in the last ten years we are transforming through leaps and bounds. What is the catch? Well we are facing a generation gap war. My Grandfather (b. 1914) and my Father (b. 1951) never had a generation gap issue. Why? because he thought that going in accordance with the society is the right way just like his father. But me (b. 1986) have a torrid relationship with my parents. Why? because I am questioning the ways which were down there for thousands of years. I was adorning my individuality first and society wishes second. This is not just me but a whole pattern. We cannot change the mentality or the outlook of people who have lived all there lives living an ideology in a single go. This is one thing we have to accept. We are the first generation of our kind. We have to go through many sacrifices for a better world for our future generation. Our ways are tough because we are the first to walk in masses on this very less traveled road of individualism.

Marriage in India is a social affair. We discuss the wedding dress the bride has more than the happiness of the couple. We discuss the food more than couple's compatibility. We ourselves somewhere ignore the real bliss. I will say in urban areas the things are changing. Parents retaliate thinking of kid's happiness (I am sure an inter caste marriage or an inter religion marriage would have been alright with me after proper counselling of my parents) and thanks to the urban isolation, the society does not matter much.

But what about Tier 2 and 3 cities and villages? It is still a taboo. Forget inter caste and inter religion even a plain intra caste marriage is a taboo over there. People are still honour killed based on these archaic assumptions. The situation is dismal in many regions.

But the silver lining is that things are changing and they are changing for good. A section of people are accepting inter caste and inter religion marriages. We as a nation just have to stand strong and usher a holistic change.

My conclusion Inter Caste Marriage is a Taboo in "Bharat" but its not a Taboo in "India".

Inspired to write in reponse to Indispire Edition 25.

Inter - Religion marriage still taboo among indians ? What is your take on it . #InterReligionMarriage

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Labels : marriage , inter-religion marriagessociety , relationships
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