To Live In or Marry is the Question....

The topic "live in" v/s "marriage" firstly should be culture specific as in western countries like USA, UK, France etc. the topic is irrelevant as its a matter of individual choice, why? because they have an individualistic approach to the society over there your personal life is completely under your discretion and utterly your responsibility. Friends, Family may at the most be empathetic and may give you moral support you need, guide you but in no way will dictate your life (you want to be dictated is again your choice).

In countries like Afganisthan, UAE and other traditionally inclined country you cannot even think of live in relations because the society is completely based on social norms and does not really consider individual choice. The family, friends just do not guide you they command you and you get a protection from them in many issues.

These both being the extremes let's focus on societies like India which is evolving from being society oriented, tradition bound to individualistic society. We are culturally where USA was perhaps during The 1960's or before. So, keeping in mind the advantages of marriage:

1. Gives you an assurance that it will last forever.
2. Security, higher financial stability. As banks in India recognize Married couples and not Live in couples.
3. Societal approval (you really feel awesomely powerful when you are having an active sex life and no one even frowns but are actually at peace with the fact and consider it normal finally).
 4. If an accidental pregnancy occurs which was not in your plans, no one bothers, they are actually elated.
5. Your partner has to think a zillion times before leaving you.

The Advantages Of a Live in Relationship:
1. No bounds: you stay because you want to not because you have to.
2. Gives you a feel that how is the person to live with and saves you from the shock after marriage. (loving a person is different but living with a person is a hell of a different ball game, the initial days of marriage can break you)
3. No, pesky relatives involved.
4. No, pressure to start a family.
5. You are not married (the avenues are still open ;) )

But what if in a Marriage:

1. You or your partner fell out of love, how can you be so sure that your spouse is really yours and is mentally attached to you while being physically infront of you. You have to make efforts to not to fall out of love, it needs immense strength not all have that.
2. Security?? many men and women have died due to bad marriages because it was a crime to move out of a sore marriage.
3. Societal Approval??? or Societal nosing. The incompatibility of families feeds like a parasite on the love of the couple and it stands a risk of dying out.
4. The pressure to start a family is a hell lot of pressure.
5. If your partner even thinks once seriously of leaving you, is it really worth it of keeping the relation? Whom are you cheating? Yourself. Whom are you keeping happy? the society. The society will never be there to wipe your tears (remember as an evolving society we have taken the Bad of both the worlds. Individualistic's apathy and the disrespect for human emotions).

But What if in a Live in:
1. One of your partner is just using to have some good time and you are mentally committed and that's why you moved in. In this society if this doesn't work you will be scarred for life (especially if you are a woman you are a criminal befitting capital punishment) Men stand a chance of being slapped with a case of "Statutory Rape" (Though I believe "Marital Rape" should be strictly penalized).
2. You live in and that doesn't work out you leave that's cool but since you were not married did you put in your best effort to work it out? A sour Live in may shake you so badly that you may shy away from any other relation in the future. (Similar applied to marriage but then atleast in some cases your probability of being understood increases since you were in a so called "socially approved and stamped relationship").
3. You invest your time and love in a Live in as much as in a Marriage but when it breaks you do not have a right and the great society is there to heal your wounds with salt and pepper.
4. Insecurity may arise.
5. The perception that your partner is not married may give rise to unnecessary suspicions.

If going by my individual take its your individual choice whether you want to get Married or Live in but in both the cases your intentions should be heralded by love and not lust.

When I decided to get married at the age of 23 everyone was shocked everyone said "why so soon?" I said because when I am with him I feel like I waited for centuries for him and when I finally found him I do not want to let him go and want to grow young with him till I die." Personally I got married because my parents and his would have went in to a coma on hearing about a live in relationship so, I married. But saying that I would have been with him always even if I had live in with him. But then when I remember my moment the "Shubho Drishti" I would have missed it in a live in.

Speaking of society in the current scenario Marriage is a better option than live in any day. But I hope and pray for the situation to change to a mindset where we respect the holy Institution of marriage and also do not raise an eyebrow against people opting for Live in arrangement. A world, a nation where we respect the choice of every individual.

P.S. Thanks Garima for posting the topic, waiting for your post (eagerly)

Written in response to The INDISPIRE topic on INDIBLOGGER.
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